Hey, so I’ve been a bit absent from Tumblr this past 6 months. But where else better to open u than Tumblr? So here goes a bit of a summary of what has been happening.
I went to Canada for three months, my last posts were mainly about my stay in Canada. I came back in early November. And things have been a little crazy. Trying to enjoy my BF before he left, trying to help my mom in many ways possible with the house and stuff, and also trying to keep sometime for me.
So what made my come back and write to get somethings off my back. Well my BF left yesterday morning. yeah it sucks not having him around. And since he left I’ve been feeling a bit numb. I didn’t cry at the airport, i told my self it was part of growing up and that both of us have to get used to going our separate ways. The thing is: he left to Australia to university, im staying here for some more months before going to Canada to university as well. People might think we are crazy in trying to keep a relationship like this. Some of my friends say that in uni we are supposed to be experimenting new stuff, having fun. And it may be true that this relationship will be hard and sacrificing many times during university. But what should i do? just let go of someone special just because of the distance? I am a very persistent person. I hang on to the things i wish. And it will be hard, but i know i will be able to make it work. he will come back in June for vacations, and we will see how this goes. if it doesn’t work, at least i tried. Regret wont be a part of my future, i wish.
Mean while, there is a numbness that will fade away. When i talk to him when he arrives will make everything more bearable. And this following months i will concentrate in me. Take courses to occupy my time, study for uni, read the never-ending list of books i have. and try to get my bod in shape for when he comes back. For now this is it. I will try to be more present in Tumblr, write, post, repost and so on.
And for my followers: thank you for not unfollowing me these last months
So yeah, who never had a dream slip away through their fingers?
Well I’m basically on my way to getting very disappointed with my life. It is not easy to be a teenager or young adult, everybody knows that. But one of the harderst moments in a teenagers/young adult life is when we need to apply for a university.
My bf says I’m good enough for my so dream university. That i will be able to push my GPA from 3.0 to 4.0, get at least a 4 in AP Calculus, raise my SAT score to i dont know.
My dad says, he will only pay a certain amount of the uni. that i need to work my ass off to get a scholarship, and still do a co-op program to get more money.
I dont know what made me think i was simply good enough to get into that university. What was this gap year for? coming to toronto, have a nice time, go back to brazil study and still dont know for sure if im good enough?
And if I’m not? I would have thrown almost 5 years of my life into the trash. Why should i get my hopes up? I have 3 options, one of them being my safe choice. But will i be able to get into my safe choice?
Maybe modifying the dream of Canada, and changing it to the dream of Australia will be better. I dont know. maybe…
My bf’s dad told me before i came here. “when everything seems to not be working out, just go to bed and sleep. cause tomorrow is another day.” And this is exactly what i will do. Go to bed, maybe cry my self to sleep a bit. Take some tylenol so i dont wake up in the middle of the night with a throat ache. And tomorrow i will go shopping. Laugh with my BF. Probably have sex cause i need to relax a bit. Just chill, cause one thing i know: at least one university will have to pick me. I did not dream about this for nothing. i did not choose an easy uni for nothing. i will not stop persisting. Cause i know one thing, i am one hell of a persistent woman.
PS: sorry for my little melt down. i’m better know that i put this out of my system.
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